Reasons I fail at life: getting into the holiday spirit

Me:  I should listen to holiday music because it’s December.  December is holiday season and this will put me in a wonderful holiday mood full of festivity and cheer.  

Me:  *Listens to All I Want for Christmas is You by My Chemical Romance*

Me:  See, holiday music isn’t that bad.  Yay, December!  

Me:  *Stops listening to holiday music and listens to Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge on repeat*

Conclusion:  Listening to holiday music by your favorite artist only puts one in the mood for that artist.  

Reasons why I fail at life: Eyegraines

Once, someone was telling me about how whenever they wear their glasses they get eye migraines (also known as visual migraines which would have stopped my line of thought cold), and I was trying to be serious because eye migraines seemed like a serious matter… when my brain decided that eye migraines could just be called eyegraines.  

My brain was so proud of this that it started rewriting the lyrics to the Twenty-One Pilots song Migraine so it was about eyegraines.  

I tried to make myself think of other things, like how, for some creepy reason, there was fish gelatin in the milk, or how I had a sinus infection, but my brain kept singing to itself about eyegraines.