Lost Endings

This isn’t about anyone specific.  This is just something that can be irritating sometimes that I wanted to rant about.  

People seem to think that when I tried to write novels I actually knew what I was doing.  

I didn’t.  

First, I thought I was really awesome at writing fiction, second, when I started writing a new novel (which I did a few times a week or sometimes even a few times a day) I would have no idea what I was doing with it, where it would end up, who would live or who would die.  Spoiler:  almost everyone was going to die.  

Sometimes I would just have a title and a random paragraph from some random spot in the middle.  I would have no idea what happened after that short paragraph or how I got there.  Normally I just had a sentence or character and went with it.  

I tried to plot out novels a few times because I would have no idea where it was going but I would get tired of the plot I had written down so I would go back and erase the parts that disagreed with what I wanted to write.  

After a few attempts at writing out the plot before writing the novel I gave up.  

I was better at short stories because I could finish it in a day if I really tried and I was less likely to go back and change everything.  

A lot of the reason the plots in my novels got messed up is because I would be awake at two AM staring at the ceiling wondering what the meaning of life was when I would suddenly wonder what my novel would be like if I switched something.  Or maybe one character dies (most of them did).  Or maybe I would rewrite the entire thing because I wanted to change one detail.  

I’m kind of getting off topic.  I started writing this with a specific idea of what it was going to say and now I’m getting off topic and rambling.  Nothing has changed.  

Anyway, sometimes I talk to people about the stuff I used to write and after I explain roughly what happens in the beginning and weird, random middle parts that don’t fit in with anything, people ALWAYS ask how it was going to end.  

I have no idea.  

If I know how it ends I’m probably confused about how it starts.  

The middle is always kind of fuzzy and confusing.  

THE POINT OF THIS IS, if you want to talk about my old writing (and it’s perfectly fine to want to talk about it, I really don’t mind) don’t get irritated when I don’t know how some parts will go.  I started most of my wannabe novels when I was around ten or eleven, it’s been YEARS since I started writing all of them, and some of them just got printed and buried in my closet because I hated everything about them (for example:  WINDOW WORLD.  That’ll be buried in my closet forever.  If I find it, I’m burning it).  If I did know how it ended I really don’t know now.